“Find the gratitude in your life, and you'll find joy standing right next to it.” -Melody Beattie
Joy: The Fruit of Appreciation by Mary Beth Rice
Did you know that in Finland they call November marraskuu which translates as “the month of the dead?” Please, let’s not go there...Instead let’s remind ourselves that November is beloved for many other things: Putting to bed one’s garden for winter, planting tulip bulbs, colorful crunchy leaves covering sidewalks, the aroma of backyard fire pits and warm mugs of apple cider. November holds space for our beloved Thanksgiving holiday which has the potential to connect us all as we celebrate being family with feasting, chilly walks, napping on the couch—perhaps with a football game or parade in the mix.
November is also National Gratitude Month, and this year it is an especially important notion to embrace. Earlier this month I was gifted with an unusually warm Saturday afternoon. All the stars aligned for an outdoor bike ride with my cycling cohort—AKA an incredible group of women I am blessed to call friends who radiate love and hope and light.
In a post ride conversation, the topic of gratitude came up; more specifically, the subtle nuance between the meaning of “being grateful” and “being in appreciation.” One friend shared the idea that being grateful about something is connected to a feeling of lack or deprivation, while being in appreciation is being fully present with the very thing or experience at hand.
For example, you may feel grateful for your Saturday afternoon nap because it gives you respite from having survived a stressful work week. You may also be grateful for a patio conversation with a friend-socially distanced please-knowing that you are only allowed to visit with your elderly mom through a window screen. Being in appreciation, however, is transcendent; It comes with no feeling of lack. It is “in the moment” immersion whether it is enjoying a cup of coffee on the back porch while bird watching, receiving a bear hug from your twenty something son or mastering a new recipe and eating the spoils. It soaks in the moment. It savors. It fully engages...
Over the years I have developed a “gratitude list” practice: At night before bed I will attempt to brainstorm a list to fill a journal page on what I am grateful for that day. The list could include sunshine, a new story idea, the purring of our cats, an intimate conversation, the colorful sunset, my “adult” kiddos, coffee, or a bike ride. Were there thoughts of lack or loss in my discernment? Most likely there were, and that is an important point. Moving from feelings of lack, loneliness, despair or frustration to a place of gratitude takes practice. It can be habit forming—a new way of thinking. And, I believe it is the necessary bridge to travel over on into appreciation where one is fully present in the moment with the thing they are savoring.
Case in point: I often list my “cozy flannel pajamas” in my nightly gratitude journal. I have several pair and the more colorful the better. I admit to briefly thinking about what it would be like without those warm pajamas. There are many who don’t have warm clothes. When I move from noticing what I lack to being grateful for what I have, my mind and heart can then go fully one step further—being in that moment, feeling the texture of the flannel on my skin, the security of the coziness of my space, the warmth of my blanket and flannel sheets. I am in full on appreciation! Feeling poverty or struggle, moving to gratitude and then landing in appreciation is the answer to finding joy. It is a daily journey and certainly not a linear process, but it’s a path worth choosing.
In his book, Amazing Possibilities, Matthew Kelly shares that “giving thanks warms the soul and reminds us that life is an extraordinary privilege. Joy doesn’t come from having, but from appreciating what we have. You can possess all the treasures, pleasures, and blessings this world has to offer, but if you don’t appreciate them they will never bring you any real satisfaction. Joy is the fruit of appreciation.” That is worth repeating: Joy is the fruit of appreciation...
In this month of giving thanks, I am wishing blessings of holy present moments for all—whether you are able to be physically present with those you love or not. Amidst all that is going on in our world, get out those journals, make your gratitude lists and then lean into your joy.
…Looking for a way to kick up the spice on Thanksgiving Day? Check out my pumpkin pie and cider recipes in Joymaking...
“A thankful attitude opens up the windows of heaven...Thankfulness is not some sort of magic formula; it is the language of Love...” Jesus Calling, November 22.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” -Romans 12:12