“Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.” -Francis P. Church
Be Brave and Sound the Alarm! by Mary Beth Rice
Last week my mom set off the fire alarm at a long term care facility, hollering at the Universe: “Let me out of here!” I only learned this because she wasn’t answering her phone that day, so I called the nurse’s station that evening to see how she was doing after being transitioned there after a fall she had suffered in her assisted living facility.
“Well,” the young woman answered on the other end of the line, “I just clocked in, but the nurse who just left said that she was on quite a roll today!” And so the story goes...
Knowing my mom is to know her to be a loving, thoughtful enthusiastic for life woman. She is a rule follower at heart. Yet, mom has been confused and agitated of late—frustrated and angry. So, in this moment I think she simply
Blew her Cool,
Flew into a Rage,
Hit the Roof,
Threw a Tantrum,
Had a Meltdown,
Lost her Sh*t?!
She reached her breaking point and forgot herself. She was overwhelmed with aging, with COVID-19 and the isolation it brings, with falling, with confusion—with having no control over many of her circumstances. The irony isn’t lost on me; We have all felt this way—more often so in 2020.
My social self—the part of me that is connected to the demands of society—was apologizing to the young medical aid on the other end of the line, explaining that it was not like my mother and she was out of sorts. My essential self—the part of me that is connected to my true thoughts, desires, needs and feelings—was imagining with some envy what it might be like to actually pull the fire alarm myself. My internal voice was giving a shout out to mom, “You go, Girl! Keep that fire inside lit and blazing!”
My mom’s fire alarm caper got me thinking about the differences between tolerating and accepting the circumstances of our lives. Tolerance is the ability to endure pain or hardship. The silver lining in tolerating something is that it can produce patience. But tolerance can also keep us stuck in old ways of doing things. It can block the courage we need to consider another way of navigating our journey. It can cause frustration and heartache. We can fall out of gratitude and into irritability and resentment.
Acceptance has an openheartedness to it. Acceptance allows us freedoms to make choices that help us be our best version. Acceptance gives us clarity to set boundaries in circumstances. It helps us make the best of things; allows us to find the lesson in the struggle—to uncover the silver linings. Acceptance can bring serenity.
I am not sure moving from tolerance to acceptance is linear. I think it is more like the stages of grief; sometimes you circle back and have to trudge through the muck another time or two. As time marches forward, though, I seem to find more courage to stand up for the things that matter to me or bring me joy. I hope I am becoming more authentic and truer to myself. I believe we become better humans in doing so—better friends, better professionals, better partners, better parents, better daughters.
Bravo to Mom! In her confused state and frustration, made so much bigger in this pandemic, she was still fighting for what was most important to her. She wasn’t settling. She was going after her heart’s desire. In this case it was her freedom.
We all have circumstances in our lives we are tolerating. Refraining from hugging loved ones and wearing masks through a pandemic come to mind. Sometimes we can work our way into discovering acceptance and there is peace. Sometimes we have to set a boundary and say enough. And, sometimes we just have to let out steam now and then. That’s what my mom was doing last week.....simply letting out some steam.
I think we need to trust our struggles. The healthiest of humans don’t settle. Rather, they negotiate; they gather information, say their peace in love and focus on joy. They learn to thrive amidst their challenges and they learn self-care. It is not a perfect process.
I am wishing you all blessings, acceptance and peace on your journeys. May we look toward Christmas and the hope it brings each year, and dwell on the possibilities of the new year.
But to 2020 I emphatically say, “LET. ME. OUT. OF. HERE!”
Experience a New Year’s Retreat
Want to put closure on 2020? Start fresh in 2021? Check out some New Year’s rituals to practice as a family or on your own in Joymaking—Done in person or on Zoom. Select a Word for 2021 to help manifest your hopes and dreams. Burn your regrets, mistakes and misfortunes. Reflect on the lessons and silver linings from this past year.